I Journeyed through Meditation into my Universe
My journey of exploration through meditative practice lead me to a deeply profound relationship with myself. I have always been an explorer and learning to journey within through Taoist meditative practices was arguably the biggest adventure I ever had. Most certainly it has coloured and added multi dimensional levels to every experience that I have had since. Taoism teaches us to turn our gaze inwards and to experience the Universe within.
Like most people, my education and upbringing ensured that I did not see wasting time sitting still and meditating as a valuable way to spend my time. It took what was essentially a personal disaster, being heart broken, to bring me into awareness. At the time what I went through was indescribably horrific. But now I thank the Universe every day for that experience. The result of my devastation was that I went into a deep meditative practice and for the first time I gained awareness of myself.
Slowly, over a period of a couple of months, my experience of my body changed. I started to have euphoric feelings in my body that reminded me of previous experiences smoking cannabis, except it seemed I was just getting the high without the paranoia and bad feelings that come with it. I started to become more relaxed in my body and to enjoy life more. People were commenting about how well I looked.
My body started to become more supple and my pains disappeared over the next few months after that. Then I started to notice a new phenomenon: my body started to vibrate during meditation practice. Around this time I also noticed my orgasmic potential changing quite suddenly. In the past I had often found having an orgasm, connecting with orgasmic energy, very difficult. I had no idea what was going on at the time but a lack of self-awareness and tension in my body was contributing to me being unable to switch off and relax.
The meditations I was practicing were Taoist meditative practices, which involved clearing the body of toxic emotions and traumas, increasing positive energies and activating the energy flow around the body, as part of sexual alchemy meditation, which involves moving sexual energy around the body and transforming it. A turning point came when I learnt to clear negative energy from my yoni. I learnt to meditate and connect with different areas of my yoni following the reflex zones of the various organs and using the Taoist meditative practices to transform and clear emotional toxins.
The results were dramatic. I felt ugly memories I had not even realised were trapped in my body melt and evaporate away like clouds of black smoke. Suddenly my yoni became incredibly sensitive. In fact, my yoni went back to its natural state and I had not been aware before that I was completely numb. Around this time I there would be moments during the day that I would feel clouds of bad energy, fears, worries and angers, leaving my body.
Apparently we store an enormous quantity of the emotional toxins in our bodies in our sexual organs. I have wondered why this is and had to come to the conclusion that this is not a natural condition and that we subconsciously do it because of the shame, guilt and disconnection that thousands of years of sexual repression have lead us directing at our sexual selves. Our sexual organs have become like the back of the cupboard which we ignore and are so disconnected from, where we hide those ugly memories and feeling we don’t want to deal with.
I started experiencing what seemed like electric currents moving up my body, and my body would start to vibrate during sexual experiences. My back became as sensitive to pleasure as my vagina. Then one day I had the incredible experience when my friend was brushing his hands in the air a few inches from my back, as part of a massage session, that an orgasm suddenly and unexpectedly moved up my spine, vibrating my spine and into my brain. It was a completely incredible experience.
Over the years I have experienced spontaneous orgasms in various organs, such is in my Heart when went onto a beautiful beach at sunset and had this incredible explosion, pulsation and contraction vibrations like a burst of joy and love in my Heart. I have also learnt to move orgasmic energy around my body, mix it with love energy and send it into my cells, vibrating my whole body. I notice that parts of my body that need healing will vibrate intensely at these times as if the energy is going their and working it’s magic.
My sexual experiences began to enter new dimensions. Connection with my lover was always essential to me, and I would avoid sexual relations that were not meaningful. My sexual experiences started to become one continuous orgasm for an extended period I could not measure and I started to enter trancelike states where I would feel incredible connection with the Universe. There are occasions when my reality seems to explode into the Universe and I find myself floating in outer space, with stars, perhaps floating in the aurora, and I have had lights flashing in my head and fractal patterns appearing.
Researching this phenomenon I came across information that in deeply awakened states the pineal gland would activate and produce DMT. Certainly this is and understanding on one level, on another level is can be understood that through my meditational practices I had connected so deeply with the Universal forces that I would start to experience her in the most intimate way. This can happen in a darkroom environment, a meditation retreat where one can experience a pitch-black environment for days on end until the pineal gland starts to produce DMT and the seeker begins to see visions and lights. It can also happen under stimulation from certain lights such as an Ajna light.
Whilst learning to master and utilise energy is an incredible high and brings sexual experience onto a new dimension, it is a far cry from the seeking of sexual explorers on the mundane level who look for more and more stimulation but ultimately remain unsatisfied. I can happily sit with another soul and gaze with love into their eyes and feels totally satisfied on every level. This is because, when sexual energy rises up the body it mixes with the love energy of the Heart and transforms into an energy that is healing and conducive to spiritual connection and experience.
In terms of the mechanics of it, with the meditation I practice, I first learned to move energy up my spine. Initially I learned how to do this with chi (physical energy) and then to move Jing (an energy that includes sexual energy). This is an ancient practice that the Taoists refer to as “Returning the Jing to Feed the Brain’ which refers to bringing sexual energy up the spine and into the brain. This is a practice men use in managing ejaculation, that they can take the energy up their spine and into the brain instead of losing the energy through ejaculation.
Woman can also do this practice, bringing arousal energy up the spine in a pleasurable sensation and as it reaches the brain my experience is a burst of clarity. Mantak Chia, the master who taught me a large portion of my practice, says this is because hormones are being moved from the sexual area into the brain and literally feeding the brain. He says that a major factor in Alzheimer’s is a lack of sexual hormones in the brain and I can vouch for the effects on the memory and cognition of this practice.
After extended periods of practicing this, the energy we are bringing up through the spinal column up starts to activate the pineal gland. I understand on one level that this can be described as pseudo science, however the ancient Taoists had knowledge of the pineal thousands of years ago and realised that is was an essential part of spiritual connection. Whilst modern science does not prove my theory, from the research I have done it makes sense to explain my experiences.
My path of discovery would never have commenced were it not for certain adverse life events inclining me to practice deep and regular meditation. My discoveries were much more than a mere sensory experience. I am aware of others who have tried hard to reach these levels (I didn’t know where I was going and was not really aiming for anything) and become frustrated with it. I wonder whether my lack of goal assisted me here, but also realise that energetic and spiritual awakening are part of a process that involves much more than sensual stimulation.
Journeying through my karma, including taking opportunities to clear past life karmas when they came up was an essential part for me, as was learning to cultivate virtuous energy. I am aware that messing around with powerful energetic forces such as sexual energy can be dangerous. The Taoists noticed that sexual energy does 2 things, it binds and it amplifies. This is why it is essential to learn to transform emotions and cultivate virtue as well as to clear blockages by opening your main energy channels. The awakening of energy is very much a spiritual experience, which brings me back to the pineal gland.
The ancient Taoists regarded all the glands as having enormous importance in energy cultivation practices (the seven glands correspond to the seven chakras of Tantra) with the pineal gland being the home of spiritual enlightenment. It was understood to connect to the universal cosmic forces that guide us on our path. At deeper levels of Taoist meditation, it is believed that small cracks between the skull bones open up minutely allowing light into the brain centre housing the pineal and pituitary gland, known as the Crystal Chamber. I have seen pictures of the skulls of deep meditators and these gaps are a little bigger. Mantak Chia explores these ideas in his book, Craniosacral Chi Kung. He describes how the pineal gland looks like a pine cone and that this image is widely used in a spiritual context including in the Vatican.
Before I read this book I had started to notice an increased feeling of lightness inside my brain. It was very interesting to read the book and realise that there was an explanation for this very subtle phenomenon which I had questioned, and that others had experienced it too. A logical explanation would be that as meditation relaxed the head muscles, they relaxed allowing the bones to open.
Light is known to affect and activate the pineal gland. I use the Ajna Light machine and had psychedelic experiences for brief periods of time as the light activated my pineal and pituitary gland. I also practice moon gazing, especially when I am in nature. I had an incredible few nights under the full moon on a beach in Portugal practicing chi kung under the moon on a vast empty beach and felt incredible effects during the following days and weeks. I have also practiced sunset gazing, with this I look into the sunset and flutter my eyes which produces a strobe like effect that can be felt deep within the brain.
The substance of di-metha-triptamine is well known in its synthetic form by aficionados of mind altering substances. Ayahuasca, a blend of plants that contains digestible DMT has become very popular among people searching for healing, spiritual connection and new mind expanding experiences. It is a hallucinogen that is also produced in the pineal gland during death and birth and can be produced during meditation and love making. It has been referred to as the spirit molecule for its ability to produce visions. There are obvious problems with synthetic DMT and ayahuasca is not immune to this. In both instances it is a toxic substance being introduced to the body for the effect and whilst many people report healing after taking DMT, many also report traumatic experiences and becoming chronically ill after taking it.
In my birthing experience of naturally producing DMT in my brain whilst giving birth to my daughter I remember incredible feelings of calm and bliss in the midsts of what many women describe as a horrific experience in hospital. I suspect because I gave birth naturally at home my body was allowed to do what was natural and my brain produced what was needed to take me through the birthing, something I would describe as a deep shamanic experience. For weeks after I was on this incredible high and experienced feelings of pure spiritual connection that I had never felt before.
There is a difference between taking a substance that, although similar to a substance the body produces is foreign to the body and the body producing that substance. For those seeking the high and spiritual connection of DMT experience, taking the substance is a shortcut that undeniably has certain benefits. The Ajna Light experience is also a kind of short cut, although the experience of each person varies.
Meditation as a route to pineal gland activation is a slow path and requires self discipline and a deep connection with the process that flies in the face of everything we are educated to think in western society. It is a path that I found myself on quite unexpectedly. What was so incredible about these practices was that as I started to do them, I would develop the practice in my own way as seemed right to me and then find accounts of others developing the practice in the same way. It confirmed for me the deep spiritual connection in the Universe and that all these secrets are hidden inside us, waiting for us to open and experience them.
Sexual experience is a common experience to all on the planet. Even for those completely unable to see beyond the mundane, the chaos of love and attraction has the power to throw us out of the material world into a magical world of connection and beauty. If there is any meaning to any of this existence we journey through, it is obvious that our feelings of sexual desire, which undeniably go beyond the mere evolutionary necessities of reproduction, are the key to spiritual enlightenment.
In Tantra it is said that when the Heart chakra opens this is the first step to enlightenment, taking us from survival, experience of pleasure and willpower to intuition, intelligence and enlightenment, opening the door to the higher energy centres through the common denominator of love. The sexual spiritual connection is sadly ignored in our culture but it still exists. Love can take us to higher levels and so can sexual experience.