Notes from a Tantric Nun

As I lie here in stillness, the golden elixir pounding through my veins, rising up my body, I feel the age-old dilemma of truth and choice. Originating in the delicate blossom between my legs, the source of life itself, this primeval force rises, taking its unstoppable path to fulfilment.

My sex is my power, my strength as a woman. This golden elixir is my precious amrita, the riches of my body. As the energy rises I sense the transformation, the tangible shift as my horniness, my frustration fills my body and transforms into love.

My jing holds an encyclopaedia of information, the knowledge accumulated by my ancestors and stored in my DNA. It holds the experiences of the women that went before me, passed from womb to womb until I was birthed.

The itch in my crotch spreads out through my body and I feel alive, full of strength, powerful and beautiful. My cells dance with joy and my body vibrates unstoppably.

As the rivers of energy wash through me they wash away my pain, clearing the channels and opening me for new experiences. I feel clean, pure and new.

Once more I am engulfed in the sensation of oneness as body, mind and spirit converge and evaporate into the stars. I am a star, a bird, a flower, I am a queen and I am a beggar. I am one with everything that has ever been and ever will be. I am in harmony.

Now the stillness overtakes me like an explosion. I lie in perfect peace. Time is lost and I am found. Space has dissolved and I am whole. I float in the stars and experience being part of everything. There is no separation. I just am.

As I float back down to earth and as I encounter the borealis, I swim in a stream of light, I dance with the energy of all things. Leaving the plane of space that is deathly to a mere mortal, I come back into the earthly realm.

Pulling oxygen into my tender lungs is harsh at first, pain shoots through my chest and the sudden rush of the sensation of emotions is temporarily paralysing. Yet here I am, flesh blood and bones on the earthly plane, and I am here for a reason.

Older than the choice of light and darkness is the choice of balance and harmony, the choice of oneness. Sex has been repressed for five millennia by those that feared its power and feared the power of the divine feminine. They feared the power of energy and the power and meaning of life itself and so they created a culture where it was possible to hide from life itself.

Repression took the form of scarcity but now has morphed into the monster of opulence as the sexual glutton feasts on the rotten fruits of the pornographic culture. Energy swells into spiritual obesity until the once splendid sexual organ lies in ruin, sex no more than an dream, an impossible desire that no Viagra will fulfil as the vitality escapes leaving a hollow soul lying ruined.

Sexual Alchemy is no secret. Yet it’s truth lies hidden from the majority of mankind because it’s logic goes against the understanding of our twisted minds. Stuck in the mud, transformation seems like a pointless job and we lie in our own faeces, accepting that a mindless sexual experience is all that we can have.

Sex is our original meaning. The Garden of Eden, the Tree of Knowledge. Sexual Alchemy is our original purpose, to come together despite our differences and to transform.

When we stopped transforming, man and woman became enemy. Man feared the power of woman he did not understand and made woman their property. Woman betrayed themselves and their children and surrendered their power and allowed man to rule with violence.

The story of sex became the battle of the sexes as we lost touch with our true meaning. Sex became an itch to scratch instead of an encounter with the divine.

Now we are at a crossroads. Humanity, choosing to walk away from oneness has developed a bipolar nature. We can choose to go back to oneness or we can eat each other alive.

I choose to channel my elixir instead of wasting it on meaningless encounters. I enjoy the challenge, the road but most of all I enjoy the experience. I enjoy being flesh, I enjoy being energy and I enjoy being spirit.

I love the beauty of my body, my softness and my curves. I love the sensations in my nerves; I love the rush of energy making me feel alive and whole. But most of all, I love being spirit, my true identity which will never die.

There is one purpose for me to be on this plane. To experience life in a physical body and a physical world, to experience pain and suffering. That purpose is to transform. Pain can become pleasure and loss can become purpose.

After all we all die.